I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
