Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
