My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
