marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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