so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
