Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
