If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
