From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
