You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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