Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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