My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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