saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
