just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
