I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
