I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
