I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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