my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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