Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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