I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
