He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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