Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
