Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
