if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
