dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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