SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
