The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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