took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
