So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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