she woke up with a sticky ear
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
