Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize