I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
