I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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