you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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