I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
