ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize