I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
