after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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