Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Bring me that man meat
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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