Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
