I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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