You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
