Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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