May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
