There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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