The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
