And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Even my vagina gasped.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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