She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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