Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
