So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
