Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize