Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
