I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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