I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
