HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
