sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
