Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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