if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
