you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
