its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i permit you to call me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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