my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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