Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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