Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
