just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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