I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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