At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
