I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
