Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize