If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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