I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
