he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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