It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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