it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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