a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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