that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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