Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
