He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
