Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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