i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
