Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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