her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
