then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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