New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
