She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
