Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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