he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
