dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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