i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I supernannyed him into submission
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
