I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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