I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
