I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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