"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wrigley field is MILF paradise
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
