it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
