If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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