I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
