If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
