Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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