Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i've created a new STD.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
