if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
