Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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