Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
