Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found puke in my bra..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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