first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
