at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
