You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
