You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize