It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
