You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
