Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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