she was so not down for the gang bang
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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