Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
