Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
