so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
